I shared this one previously several years ago, but I still think it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard — all thanks to Groucho Marx.
Outside of a dog, books are man’s best friend.
Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
🙂 🙂 🙂
If you’d like to share your own “Friday Funnies,” just post the link to it in the ‘Comments’ section below.
I don’t know who to give credit to for this joke, because I came across it in a collection of hillbilly jokes from multiple sources. I’ve told it so many times, but it is still laugh-out-loud funny even now as I write this post. Hope it lightens and brightens you day. If you’d like to take part in “Friday Funnies,” just post your own “funny” on your blog and give us the link in the ‘Comments’ section on this post. Yours can be a joke, story, poem, or picture.
Two hillbillies were walking down the street and they met a local nun coming down the sidewalk toward them. Her arm was in a cast, so they stopped to inquire about her.
“Sister, we’re sorry to see you’re in a cast. What on earth happened to your arm?”
“Oh, it’s the silliest thing,” she said. “I fell in the bathtub the other day.”
“Oh my. Does it hurt you much?”
“No, it’s much better now, and I should be able to remove the cast in a few weeks.”
“Well, that’s good news. You take care of yourself, now,” they said and resumed their journey down the sidewalk. When they were out of the nun’s hearing, one of the hillbillies asked his friend.
“Did you hear what she said happened?”
“Yeah, she said she fell in the bathtub.”
“What’s a bathtub anyway?”
“Heck, I don’t know. I’m not Catholic.”
I haven’t taken time in the last couple months to “share my world.” So this week I thought I’d make an attempt to do so. (You can share yours too if you visit Cee’s blog where she gives the details of taking part.) Here are her questions for this week.
Question # 1: Tell us about your first bicycle or car.
Well, I never owned a bicycle. I did learn to ride one — using my cousins’ or neighbors’ bikes, but bicycling was never one of my favorite activities. I do drive a car, although that activity is not one of my favorites either. I’m not one of those people who enjoys “going for a drive.” I simply get into the car to get from one place to another more easily and comfortably than I can get there by walking. Of course, with my air conditioner on the blitz in my current car, that isn’t too comfortable.
But I’m digressing. I’m supposed to tell you about my very first car. It was a Honda — pale yellow with gray interior. I loved it. It was used, and cost me a whole $700.00, but that was way back in time — more than 40 years ago. I vividly remember my test drive. My dad went along to give me his opinion of its virtues and problems. The car was in good shape and I drove it about three years before trading it in for a newer and slightly bigger car. I’ve owned 9 different cars since then, but I’ll always remember that little Honda with love and affection.
Question # 2: What fictional world or place would you like to visit?
I’d like the opportunity to visit — or maybe live in — a place called Lost River, Alabama. Now, in general, I don’t like Alabama. And, in general, I’m not a fan of Fannie Flagg’s novels. However, Ms.Flagg did write one novel that is an absolute delight to read — in fact I read it about once a year — and it is set in the peaceful, friendly, life-affirming community settled on the banks of a clear, quiet river known as Lost River, Alabama.
Even the mail is delivered by river in this little community. Everyone living there knows everyone else — and cares about everyone else. The weather is not too cold or too hot. The flowers, birds, and other natural wildlife are pleasant company. And the whole attitude and atmosphere is one of optimism.
I keep intending to write a review of this book for my blog, but, somehow, time just keeps getting away from me. But in case I’ve whetted your appetite for a visit to Lost River, I’ll tell you that the title of the book is A Redbird Christmas. And if you enjoy reading about second chances and happy endings, you’ll love it.
Question # 3: If you could have someone follow you around all the time — like a personal assistant — what would you have them do?
I’d have them stop following me around.
Question # 4: What did you appreciate, or what made you smile this past week.
Three things made me smile this past week. One was my hairdresser, Scott Brown. Scott is one of the most pleasant, courteous people I know personally. He really cares about people. He chooses exactly what is right for my hair every time a decision has to be made about it, and he genuinely enjoys making people feel good about themselves. When I’m in the mood to change my style and I’m being super picky — which I almost always am — you know — I want this cut, but I want the back a little different — and I want the top a little different — and I want more of this and less of that — he takes it all in stride, gives me what will actually work, and tells me honestly when something is out of the question. I really like this guy.
The second thing that made me smile was some videos of the old Mary Tyler Moore Show from the 1970’s. That was a time of several important decisions and events in my life, and that whole decade has a very strong place in my memory — in mostly happy ways. One of my favorite memories is watching that show every week. This week, as a way of relaxing, I watched several hours of those old re-runs, and I was amazed at how much I laughed out loud at some of them. It was a fun experience.
The third thing that made me smile was getting back into the book I wrote for my great-nieces and nephews about 4 years go. I wrote the original story just for them, using all four of them as the main characters of the book: Taming The Dragon of Calvert Kingdom. I’m getting ready to let the book go into the marketplace now, and as I re-read it and remembered how thrilled they were to have a whole book written about them, it made me happy. I hope it make them as happy when the book is published for the rest of the world to read.
There is a theory espoused by some that there is actually a parallel/alternate experience of life that is running concurrently with the one we are aware of, and that if we could become aware of it as well, it would give us the experiences to which our alternate choices had opened the door. Of course, I realize, according to the Word of God, that concept is not a reality, but I am still aware that had I made just one or two choices differently – even the choice of what street to walk down, or what restaurant to visit, or what time of day I went to the library – a hundred things in my life might be completely different.
The reality of this truth came home to me quite unexpectedly, and quite dramatically, one day a few years ago, while standing in a fast food restaurant. I’ve been fleetingly aware of other such experiences during my life, but this particular time, I was so touched by it, and my life so affected by it, that I immediately wrote it down and saved it, so that it would remain a part of who I am from that moment on. I shared it on this site at the time it happened, but it seems appropriate to give it a fresh airing in light of today’s prompt.
WHERE DID I MISS YOU?
I didn’t notice him as I entered the fast-food restaurant. His table was to my right as I entered the door. And he wasn’t in my line of vision as I stood in line at the counter, so I don’t know if he had noticed me as I came in or not. But as I carried my sack over to the end of the shelf where the napkins were located, I glanced up and met his eyes. It was for only the briefest second, because it was one of those situations where you know you’ve made contact, but you don’t know why and aren’t sure how to react. So you swiftly shift your eyes to the side, pretending to look at other things — as if you had just been letting your eyes sweep the area in general.
Why we do that, I don’t know. Maybe it’s a reaction only in those of us who have a measurable lack of self-confidence. Whatever the reason, though, I knew I had reacted that way when I really hadn’t wanted to do so.
But I felt the pull of his personality so strongly that I almost felt as if I’d insulted him by not smiling at him when our eyes had touched so fleetingly. Thinking it may have been just my imagination, I glanced his way again and found him looking at me again as well. But, again, I broke contact within mere seconds. And, once again, I was sorry. I now felt the pull of him so strongly that I knew I had to do something to connect with him, if only for one smile.
It was easier than I had expected, because at the table closest to his sat an old friend of mine. I usually tried to speak briefly to her whenever I saw her anywhere, so I decided I’d walk over to her table now, necessarily passing by his.
As I stepped past his table, my eyes still wouldn’t connect with his. So I just looked right at my friend and spoke. “How are you doing, Betty?”
“I’m doing fine. How are you?”
“I’m fine too. I’ll be even better after I eat this,” I added whimsically, holding up my sack. I glanced his way, and he was looking at me. He smiled. I smiled. He could hear every word I said clearly. I looked back to Betty, still holding my sack out in front of me. Then facing Betty, but letting my eyes drift in his direction, I focused on his left hand. He did have on a gold ring, but whether it was actually a wedding band or not I couldn’t tell. It was best if I didn’t know for sure anyway, but … disappointment pierced through me. It was a brief, stabbing feeling, and then sort of a dull resignation took its place.
But somehow, I just couldn’t quite let go of him yet. I held up my sack again – in Betty’s direction: “I don’t really need this … but … then again, I guess I do need it” was my next inane addition to the conversation. I glanced at him again, as if to include him in this “high-level” discussion. He understood. So I took advantage of that moment to look at him more closely.
There was nothing extraordinarily attractive about him. I mean he wasn’t the kind of man you’d naturally notice because he was gorgeous or was dressed in the height of fashion. His African-American complexion wasn’t ebony, but it was darker than brown. He had on a kind of knit cap that covered most of his short-cropped hair. His beard was mostly gray and extremely neat, but even though the beard was gray, the face was young. He was obviously overweight. Not fat, but certainly not sporting the kind of physique that normally caught a woman’s attention.
But it was his eyes and his smile. Or maybe it was his smile and his eyes. It doesn’t matter which, because his smile was so warm and genuine that it filled his eyes as well as his mouth. And it was that smile that made him really attractive — not the physical smile — the part of it that came from his soul. It was his soul that was in his eyes, and there was an invitation there: “I could sit and talk to you and understand you,” it said. “And you would understand me. We’d be friends.”
By that time (barely seconds) Betty was responding to my convoluted statement about the need for food, and she answered, “Yeah … you have to eat to live.” Brilliant answer!
“Right,” I said, looking back at my new friend. His smile was even sweeter — and even more inviting. He knew I wouldn’t — and couldn’t — sit down and talk to him. Why not? Because we had no connector. We had no tiny moment from our past that could have provided even the thinnest thread of oneness. We had just this one minuscule moment — taken out of time — to recognize, to dream, to wish. But he let me know that he had enjoyed talking to me vicariously and hoped that I had felt the same.
I smiled at him as generously as I knew how, hoping my message was in my own eyes: “I wish things were different. I wish I could sit down at your table and get to know you. Yes, we’d be friends; I’m sure of it. … Have a good day. Have a good life. … Bye.”
I walked out the door — sadder than when I’d walked in — poorer because of knowing there was a rich friendship out there that I would never own. Where in my life did I choose a path that put me in the position of never meeting him until today? Where did I miss finding him at a time when I could have known him, owned him as a friend, and had my life woven in with his? I wish I knew. No … I wish I’d known then … and I would have chosen differently.
~~~
The Daily Post Prompt today is the word inchoate. It’s a word I never use. In fact, I consider it a rather worthless word. But when I saw it, I was consumed with a sudden desire to see just how many useful words I could make from it. So here goes. If you readers find some I’ve missed, feel free to post them in the ‘Comments’ window below.
INCHOATE:
in, inch, it, hi, hie, ate, at, an, ha, hot, hat, hate, hen, oh, ah, heat, hint, hon, con, coat, cot, cat, can, chin, ten, tan, ton, tone, teach, the, than, then, thin, nich, oat, hone, cone, cane, note, not, net, neat, chant, can’t, echo, ice, nice, taco, nacho, cinco.
(That makes 50 regular words.)
And then there are proper names:
Enoch, Nate, Nat, Theo, Thane, Cane, Chet
Even if I have to make it myself, I intend to have Spring right now!!!
`
If we were having coffee today, I’d probably tell you that this has been an extremely busy week, but has also been a week full of starting things that didn’t get finished. I did, however, finish editing and polishing a novel that I actually wrote 6 years ago, but never carried it through to publication. I wrote several novels after that one, and they are all on the market, but this one just didn’t get off the shelf for some reason.
But this week I finished my editing and polishing — with the help of 3 readers who caught several typos and other various and sundry errors. I posted the book one chapter at a 
time as I was editing, so I could get some good reader feedback, and I certainly did. Most people seemed to really enjoy the story. Frankly, I’m hoping that they enjoyed it enough to go purchase some of my other books.
[ Hint, Hint 🙂 ]
Anyway, THE PROFESSOR’S EDUCATION is finished and on its way to the market place, where it will join my other 15 books. I feel very satisfied with the finished product, so I have high hopes for it. Of course, once it’s in the marketplace, it won’t be posted on my website any longer. But I warned readers that it would be gone after tomorrow, and everyone who was interested has finished it.
During our coffee chat, I’d probably also tell you that I’ve been going through the car-repair mill again. There are several things wrong, and my mechanic is trying to schedule the most important things first. But several obstacles have interrupted the work getting done, so I’m starting to feel a little frustrated. But the car is still drivable, and as the old proverb says: “This too shall pass.”
The weather’s still crazy here in Southern Illinois. My daffodils are in bloom, and it’s sleeting right now and is supposed to snow this afternoon. But that’s par for the course. Every year, when my daffodils pop out, the weather turns mean and nasty for a few days. But bless their hearts, my little daffodils just take it in stride. And that reminds me of a little Life Lesson I recorded on YouTube a couple years ago about daffodils and what they teach us about life. I’ll put the link on here in case you’d like to check it out.
Well, I’m going to go refill my coffee cup and prop my feet up for a while. Hope you have a great day and a happy and successful week.
To join in the coffee share, visit Eclectic Ali for details.
~~~
Winter
Is trying hard
To stick around too long.
My daffodils are ’bout to pop:
Hurry!
~~~
Hi, fellow coffee drinkers. Well, to begin with this week, I need to confess that I am not drinking coffee as we have this little chat. I’m actually drinking a glass of beer. Does that count??? Now, I’m not a big drinker, and I never drink alcohol of any kind if I’m driving. But I do enjoy the occasional glass of wine or beer. And today — with my sandwich at lunch — beer just seemed like the winner.
I’m also enjoying the first day of sunshine that we’ve had in a week. Of course, I’m not going out in it, since the temps are frigid, and the ice on the roads is still really bad. I imagine the major highways are clear, but getting to them from our local and side roads is the challenge. But I don’t have to go out for anything today. I stocked up a few extra supplies so that I could hunker down if necessary.
Now tomorrow is a different story. I’m supposed to do the sermon at church in the morning — actually it’s the second part of the sermon I began last Sunday — and my church is about 30 miles away. Sooooo — I’m going to have to do some more praying and planning about travel tomorrow.
To make matters more difficult, I’ve been having trouble with my car heater as well. It’s been working only about half the time. That wasn’t a serious problem last week when it was in the 40’s and 50’s. But this week with single digits at night and in the wind chill during the day, it’s a sort of — uh — well, maybe a big — problem. There are a couple church members who would come to get me, but I don’t really want them to have to do that, so I’ll have to make some decisions within the next several hours.
The sun on the ice and snow is pretty, and it has lifted my spirits enormously. I’ve even manged to write two poems today and about half a chapter of a book I started several months ago and have had a hard time continuing.
After I lost my best friend back in August in a very tragic accident, I had a very difficult time getting back into my creative mode. Not only was he my best friend, but he was also my best editor and often a source of great inspiration and terrific creative ideas. We were a really good team, and I have several novels on the market to prove it. But, as I’m sure you can imagine — and perhaps some of you know by experience — when half of a team is deleted, the spirit of the remaining half of the team is sorely damaged. During this time, I’ve been able to express myself only in poetry, and I even began a brand new website devoted to poetry in order to set that creativity free. But I have not been able to write on any of my novel projects during these four and a half months. But at last, this week, I have experienced a breakthrough of sorts, and two novels are beginning to feel the positive effects of that breakthrough.
Well, that’s probably enough sharing for this week. I can see by the clock that in another hour, I’ll probably be ready for that cup of coffee and maybe some cookies — or fruitcake. And, by the way, why is it that fruitcake seems to get a lot of bad publicity? I love fruitcake. And mine’s almost gone. I hope I don’t have to wait until next Christmas to find some more.
Oh, one more thing. I discovered something interesting about birds this morning. With all the ice, I wanted to help the birdies find food, and since I don’t keep a regular bird feeder, I went to my bread and cracker supplies. I have quite a few birds that visit my yard, and often two families of birds that live in my Blue Spruce tree in my front yard. This year I’ve had mockingbirds, cardinals, blue jays, blackbirds, and another kind that I don’t recognize.
I put out some bread and some graham crackers, but then I discovered an old box of garlic and chive crackers. I decided I’d give them a try as well. The smaller birds didn’t bother with those garlic crackers. They ate the other things, but a large contingent of blackbirds came swooping down and really dug into those garlic and chive crackers. They were gone in no time. So now I know — and I can put it on record — that blackbirds like garlic and chive crackers. A friend of mine who’s very knowledgeable about birds said the big birds will eat just about anything. So I just might go in there and see what else I need to clean out of my cabinets. 🙂
photo courtesy of seagul @ pixabay.com
Join “Weekend Coffee Share” at eclecticali.
~~~
Static:
Bane of winter.
Each time I take off coat
Or hat. Or slide across car seat.
Ouch! Ouch!
~~~
She had a winsome smile and quite a winsome way.
Her voice so musical refreshed the air.
Her winsome little dimple and her twinkling eyes of blue
Caught all the young and callow fellows unaware.
She’d capture their attention neatly, one by one.
And beckon each to step within her door
And sample tastes of tea and pastries rich and sweet —
Then promised good behavior would earn something more.
So each one stepped inside, expecting much delight,
And ate his fill at ample table spread.
And while each gazed and swooned over her winsome ways,
Her poison worked its magic until each was dead.
~~~
If we were having coffee today — and we were at my house — we’d be using Christmas mugs because I love them, and I have LOTS of them. I’d also probably say I couldn’t visit more than a few minutes because I have more things on my schedule than I have hours to give to them. But I can honestly say I’m not feeling too stressed about it.
There was a time in my life when I would have been very stressed, but these days (I’m sure it’s by the grace of God) I seem to be able to take more things in stride and not beat up on myself if I don’t accomplish every single thing on my agenda. And I concern myself a lot less with other people’s opinions of me as well. My goodness, it’s a freeing experience. I think that comes partly with age. I guess I feel I’m old enough to have earned the rest from social pressure.
I would also tell you that I’m trying to figure out how someone who absolutely loves Christmas and has been counting down the days since October can be on the threshold of Christmas Eve and still not have the Christmas towels on the towel racks and no goodies baked. Yep, I’m describing myself. That’s me this year.
Well, actually, I do know part of the answer to that question. It’s because of the remodel I just went through on my house. (I’ve been able to blame a lot of stuff on the upheaval caused by that remodel. But before long that excuse is going to run out of fuel). But — no kidding — spending two months with a house full of men and equipment — who kept turning off my power and moving me out of my office and away from my computers — caused me to get way behind in my work. And since I’ve had so much work to catch up with, I’ve had to put several of my Christmas plans on a back burner. But I’m gradually getting it all done.
And one thing in my favor is that I celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas — not with the song by that name — but in the traditional Christian celebration of the Lord’s birth from December 25 to January 6 (Epiphany). So that means I can wait until Christmas Day to really get started and still have almost two weeks to enjoy it all.
One more thing I’d likely do if we were having coffee is present you with a really cute coffee mug. In fact, I did just that with a friend I had coffee with this morning. We hadn’t been able to meet and visit for months, so we stole some time out of this morning to do that. She loves coffee, as I do. This week I came across a brand new coffee mug in a store that I frequent. On both sides of the cup were these words: “But first … coffee.” It fit my friend perfectly. It fits me as well. And if you and I were having coffee, that would mean you love coffee too, so I think you’d enjoy receiving a cup like that. I know I would. Hey … maybe I’ll go buy myself one too. 🙂
Hope you all have a very merry and healthy Christmas!
Visit “Weekend Coffee Share” to participate and share you thoughts.
~~~
Chocolate chip cookies and fudge have to be the standards by which all other Christmas treats are judged. They were two things that my mother always made PLENTY of. We always liked the old fashioned cocoa fudge. It took longer and was more tedious to make than the kind made with chocolate chips, and Mom always stirred in a huge spoonful of peanut butter just before she poured it into the pan to cool.
For many years, my mother and I had our own special tradition concerning that fudge. On Christmas Eve morning, she and I always sat down together to have fudge and coffee for breakfast.
photos courtesy of Pixel1 @ pixabay.com
~~~
The Happy Wordcrafter 