I like to have my cake and eat it too.
That makes me sound a spoiled brat,
Quite through and through.
But I’m not really spoiled, just practical.
And firmly I believe if we desire a thing,
Investing all our heart into imagining,
We’ll come up with a plan to make our dreams come true.
Why, my solution’s simple, really – quite the thing:
I’ve learned that if I plan ahead and bake me two,
It’s possible to have my cake and eat it too.
I‘m experimenting with a new challenge this week. Actually, I was supposed to write this piece yesterday, since the challenge is titled “Stream of Consciousness Saturday.” But I just didn’t have enough time. The hostess is Linda G. Hill, and if you’d like to start participating in the challenge, just follow the link to her site.
I like stream-of-consciousness writing exercises. I use them often with my creative writing students in the college classes I teach. And many times, those exercises allow us to discover aspects of our creativity that we didn’t know were there. When we just start writing without planning and let our creativity take us wherever it will, without stopping to reason or even edit, we can come up with some surprising things.
This time around, I think I’ve come up with something rather silly, but — what can I say — I just started with a question out of nowhere and followed up with another line and another until I had what you see below. Maybe it will at least give you a chuckle.
“What do you mean what do I mean? What do you plan to do with a gun?”
Cash looked at his friend Kent. They’d gone through high school together as best friends. And even after Cash had gone to Brazil to work, they’d kept in touch – well – until his accident. After that, he’d lost touch with most of his acquaintances, due to the amnesia.
Now, ten years later, most of his memory was coming back – slowly – and he had manged to get a job at the computer company where Kent worked. Kent had invited him to go out with him tonight – since it was Friday and no work tomorrow – but he was wondering now if his friend might be having some issues with forgetfulness himself. He looked at him closely. “You all right, Kent? I think maybe you’ve been working too hard.”
“Heck no. I’m fine. Lookin’ forward to tonight.”
“But I notice you don’t have a gun – and you’re not exactly dressed for hunting are you?”
Kent scratched his head. “What’s with this gun business? You afraid someone might try to hold us up or something?”
“No. But hunting requires some kind of weapon, doesn’t it? Bow and arrow or knife or a gun? And I figured since you said we’d be hunting chicks, the gun would be the most appropriate.”
Kent’s eyes bugged out. “What?!”
“Well, chickens are going to be pretty hard to take down with a bow and arrow, and, frankly, the knife sounded like it would get pretty gory, so the gun seemed the best choice.”
“Buddy … are you telling me you came tonight planning on shooting at a bunch of chickens?”
Now it was Cash’s turn to look astounded. “But that’s what you said we’d be doing. I remember distinctly. You said, ‘Hey Cash, wanna go out with me tonight? We’ll hunt us up some chicks.’
Kent just stood there – mouth open, but silent. No words came to his rescue. He’d have to figure out a way to explain to Cash that, evidently, his memory was still a long way from back to normal. Colloquial terminology needed to be the topic of discussion at his next therapy session.
Maybe it’s because I’m such an avid reader — and an avid writer — but I do believe this is one of the funniest jokes I’ve ever heard. I’ve retold it zillions of times — with a tip of my hat to its incredible creator: Mr Groucho Marx.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
(It’s been a little over 2 years since I first created this list. I thought it might be a good time to post it again. I’m also interested to know if any readers out there have suggestions for additions.)
1. Chocolate 2. Peanut Butter & Crackers 3. Small package of Kleenex 4. Individually-wrapped anti-bacterial wipes 5. Bottle of water 6. Dental floss 7. A delightful book 8.Two Pens 9. Notepaper 10. Extra chocolate 11. Two Band-aids 12. A nail file 13. Two Safety pins 14. Two paper clips 15. Compact with mirror 16. Comb 17. $10.00 in immediately spendable currency 18. Cell Phone – for emergencies only (a phone held to the ear constantly is very unattractive.) 19. A big smile 20. Extra chocolate
Julia’s back into the swing of things with her 100-Word Challenge for Grownups this week. The prompt is the following phrase:
“… and just when Harold thought it couldn’t get any worse …”
Visit Julia’s blogto get the details of participating.
YOU CAN’T WIN ‘EM ALL
Harold slapped the alarm, grabbed the remote and clicked on the TV as the lottery numbers came up. Grabbing his ticket, he checked off the list.
“I won! I won!” He jumped out of bed, stepping on his boxer, Dolly.
“Woof! Woof!” Dolly joined in the excitement.
Barely thinking, Harold threw on clothes and started downstairs. Dolly ran under his feet, and Harold tripped, rolling down the flight in record time. Rubbing is head and his tailbone, he made it to the kitchen to warm up yesterday’s coffee.
The microwave blew a fuse, so he opted for juice, which he spilled on the floor. He bent to wipe it up and dropped his winning ticket into the puddle. And just when Harold thought it couldn’t get any worse, Dolly snatched up the ticket and chewed it to bits.
My muse
Went for a snooze.
Left me to write alone.
And although on my own,
I wrote great stuff.
Aha! I’ve learned I don’t need him at all.
“Dear Muse,
You snooze; you lose.
You’re fired.”
News Flash!
Gert and Yogi
Just had a baby boy.
They compromised to choose his name:
Yogurt.
Sorry: It’s been a very long, very hard day. I just couldn’t pass up this ridiculous thought (especially since I was eating a cup of yogurt at the time).
However, I did accomplish something worthwhile today: I bought a car. Life is almost back to normal now.
Unpredictable Eunice – her name:
For changing her mind was her game.
She’d start out the day wearing blue;
Then change when the day was half through.
She’d order a meal on a date,
But then, asking the waiter to wait,
She would dither and dather and hop
From entree to entree, then stop
And request her original dish.
That she’d go home was her waiter’s wish.
When it came to the men in her life,
She was asked to be several men’s wife,
But she just couldn’t make up her mind,
And each man did eventually find,
When he looked up the aisle for his bride,
She had run to another man’s side.
Oh, poor Eunice; she wasn’t well liked,
And folks thought her quite curiously psyched.
But each one could predict accurately —
Could bet money and win frequently —
That when Eunice had made up her mind,
She would change it again in no time.
Unpredictable Eunice — her name.
And she’ll never change that: What a shame!
You say you just can’t trust my love is true.
So I am meditating what to do.
Somehow, I think there’s no convincing you
That I’m the faithful type all through and through.
How to forestall your fears I wish I knew,
I’ve had myself in such a miserable stew.
But I’ve brought it down to this: Here’s what I’d do.
I’d cross the desert on a three-legged mule for you.
And if that’s not good enough, my dear — I’m through!
~~~ Okay, I know it’s a ridiculous poem, but I didn’t get started until late in the afternoon, and it’s the best I could come up with. If you want to participate in today’s prompt, drop in at The Daily Post.