Craving Candy — limerick

It is candy I’m craving today.
Just can’t get enough; there’s no way.
I have bought by the bag,
And my conscience it nags,
That I’m eating too much every day.

I have friends who are nutritionists,
And to eat healthily they insist,
I feel guilty as sin,
When I spend time with them,
So their company I’ve had to miss.

Every time I must go to the store
I check my sweet stash to make sure
That I have quite enough
Of the stress-easing stuff,
And if not, I make sure to buy more.

Yes, I know that I eat to de-stress;
It’s a weakness in me, I confess.
But these sugary treats
Keep me smiling and sweet.
Health food never has that much success.


First Coffee Post of the Year

It just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t celebrate the new year with a coffee post. And, then, since chocolate runs a very, very close second to coffee as my favorite treat, I figured I should include both. So I decided I’d stay in my limerick vein another day, and this is what I came up with.

courtesy of http://www.dream-wallpaper.com/

UNIVERSAL ANTIDOTE

Coffee makes everything better.
If I’m battling inclement weather,
Or I’m dealing with stress,
Or my love life’s a mess,
I grab coffee and chocolate together.

The aroma of both is so soothing —
All my distraught emotions quite smoothing.
As they alter my brain,
My good mood I regain,
And the whole world commences improving.



 

3 Little Limericks to Lighten Your Day


 

BECOMING AN ABSTRACT ARTIST

Though he painted quite well, no sales came.
He slaved o’er each piece; what a shame.
Then one day he did trip,
And his paintbrush did slip.
The results brought his name to great fame.

 

TRYING TOO HARD

Lester begged for a date with Miss Rose.
She was tall, so he stretched to tiptoes.
But when they tried to kiss,
Her sweet lips he did miss,
And his chin conked her right in the nose.


GETTING THE PROPER NOURISHMENT

Obadiah thought learning a treat.
He would rather read books than to eat.
He was wasting away,
But then one lucky day,
He found cook books,
And now he’s replete.


Down Limerick Lane

I just got to thinking about limericks today and decided I’d gather up several that I’ve offered on here over the past couple years and toss them together for a fun re-post.

THE WAY TO A WOMAN’S HEART

BAKER WITH ICING
Now, Henry the baker was shy.
But he wanted to marry Miss Fry.
So with icing he wrote
On her cake this brave note:
“If you’ll have me, then I am your guy.”

But Miss Fry was too shy to say “yes.”
So that still left poor Henry a mess.
But he baked some eclairs
To show how much he cared
And delivered them to her address.

Now this courting went on for a year.
And each day Henry thought her more dear.
Though she gained fifty pounds,
In the end she came ’round,
And their wedding day, at last, is here.

~~~


TRAIN FROM BACK - OLD GOLD

 

ESCAPE

Well, my journey by train has begun.
As for tickets, I don’t have a one.
With police pressing in,
And this shackle ’round my shin,
All I packed was my trusty old gun.

In the baggage compartment I’ll hide,
And my time I will patiently bide.
When we make the next stop,
From this train I will hop
To the next and continue my ride.

It’s a journey to freedom I take.
And I can’t stop; there’s too much at stake.
Since I’m guilty as sin,
In a court, I can’t win,
But I’ve vowed future crime to forsake.

~~~



LEG-SHACKLED

BALL & CHAIN FREE CLIP ART
freeclipartnow.com

Nathaniel was feeling quite blue.
To his Darling, he’d been quite untrue.
Though he hadn’t been caught,
With his conscience he fought,
And was trying to think what to do.

He could keep it a secret from her.
If she questioned him, maybe defer.
But if someone else told —
Some old gossip quite bold —
Then his Darling would toss him for sure.

What to do, what to do — so distressed.
It was not that he loved Darling best.
But she had lots of dough,
And his coffers were low.
So perhaps he should crawl and confess.

But, alas, he had let time expire.
Darling charged in, her eyes full of fire.
Six feet tall and quite round —
Nearly three hundred pounds —
She immediate repentance inspired.

She said, “Nate, dear, you should be ashamed.
Your unfaithfulness has caused me pain.
But I know how to fix
You and your bag of tricks.”
Round his leg she did fasten a chain.

Now Nathaniel is faithful and true.
After all, there’s not much else to do.
For his Darling learned fast:
If she wants love to last,
A girl does what she just has to do.

~~~


 

PLMBER2 - dumb plumberPLUMB REJECTED  

 

There once was a girl, name of Summer
Who fell madly in love with her plumber
And each day down her drains
Shoved ridiculous things,
But he never caught on. What a bummer.

 

 

~~~~


LORAINE IN LOVE

TRAIN ENGINEER CARTOON -- OPEN CLIPARTThere once was a girl named Loraine
Who was wild for engineers of trains.
They could be short or tall;
She just loved them all;
Having one for her own was her aim.

Now, the guys who drove trains all agreed
That Loraine was no prize; no indeed;
So precautions they’d take,
Each to make his escape
When Loraine for a date came to plead.

Then a young engineer came to town
Who was clueless when she came around.
He became so beguiled
When right at him she smiled,
That right then on one knee he went down.

Oh the wedding was really a beut.
On a honeymoon now they’re enroute.
As they sit side by side
Engineer and his bride.
Down the tracks, at full throttle, they scoot.

There’s a moral to this little tale:
That a woman in love never fails.
If she’s made up her mind
And she’s true to her kind,
It’s the end for those poor, helpless males.

~~~



WOMAN FREAKED OUT - EGGS
Egg-Head

I just can’t get over her hair.
Such a fright everyone has to stare.
She discovered online
That two raw eggs and wine
Would give luster beyond all compare.

So she mixed up the potion exact,
With a pinch of vanilla extract,
Now she smells nice and sweet,
But the eggs, they got beat
When her hair dryer got in the act.

So she’s walking around everywhere
With scrambled eggs now in her hair.
A good lesson she’s learned:
That a girl could get burned.
So with online advice, just BEWARE!

 

~~~

Leg-Shackled

 

BALL & CHAIN FREE CLIP ART
freeclipartnow.com

Nathaniel was feeling quite blue.
To his Darling, he’d been quite untrue.
Though he hadn’t been caught,
With his conscience he fought,
And was trying to think what to do.

He could keep it a secret from her.
If she questioned him, maybe defer.
But if someone else told —
Some old gossip quite bold —
Then his Darling would toss him for sure.

What to do, what to do — so distressed.
It was not that he loved Darling best.
But she had lots of dough,
And his coffers were low.
So perhaps he should crawl and confess.

But, alas, he had let time expire.
Darling charged in, her eyes full of fire.
Six feet tall and quite round —
Nearly three hundred pounds —
She immediate repentance inspired.

She said, “Nate, dear, you should be ashamed.
Your unfaithfulness has caused me pain.
But I know how to fix
You and your bag of tricks.”
Round his leg she did fasten a chain.

Now Nathaniel is faithful and true.
After all, there’s not much else to do.
For his Darling learned fast:
If she wants love to last,
A girl does what she just has to do.

 

 

~~~

A Weighty Problem

MAN ON TRACK MACHINE
There was a young  fat guy named Jim
Who longed to be handsome and slim.
But Jim loved to eat:
Three square meals, loads of treats.
So weight loss for Jim looked quite grim.

But one day the new girl in town
Looked him over and gave him a frown.
Poor ol’ Jim was in love,
And when push came to shove,
He determined to get his weight down.

He refused all desserts and all treats;
Spent ten months at the gym down the street.
He jogged, and he ran;
He followed the plan,
‘Til finally he turned out quite sleek.

So in his new suit and fine hat,
He stood on the girl’s “Welcome” mat.
When she came to the door,
Poor ol’ Jim hit the floor.
She had grown quite disgustingly fat.

~~~

Sometimes Nonsense Is Good for the Soul

LEMON - CROPPEDLemons Can Be Beneficial to Your Marriage

I cut up a lemon and ate it.
The peel I did wash and then grate it;
Added it to hors d’oeuvres.
But it got on my nerves:
I was still puckered up four hours later.

So my hubby said, “Let’s do some kissin’,
‘Cause, for sure, some of that I’ve been missin.”
So we smooched ’til he said,
“I feel like newlyweds!”
Now, hubby more lemons is fixin.’

`
(This is the kind of stuff we poets write when we’re straining to find anything else to do in order to keep from doing the work we’re supposed to be doing.)

~~~

 

Loraine In Love

This little limerick is to make up for my more depressing 100-word story earlier today. Whew!  Glad I’m out of that mood.

LORAINE IN LOVE

TRAIN ENGINEER CARTOON -- OPEN CLIPARTThere once was a girl named Loraine
Who was wild for engineers of trains.
They could be short or tall;
She just loved them all;
Having one for her own was her aim.

Now, the guys who drove trains all agreed
That Loraine was no prize; no indeed;
So precautions they’d take,
Each to make his escape
When Loraine for a date came to plead.

Then a young engineer came to town
Who was clueless when she came around.
He became so beguiled
When right at him she smiled,
That right then on one knee he went down.

Oh the wedding was really a beut.
On a honeymoon now they’re enroute.
As they sit side by side
Engineer and his bride.
Down the tracks, at full throttle, they scoot.

There’s a moral to this little tale:
That a woman in love never fails.
If she’s made up her mind
And she’s true to her kind,
It’s the end for those poor, helpless males.

 

~~~

Tickle Me Tuesday – Week 7 — I just have to do a second one

CARTOON MAN LYING DOWN LAUGHING 2Can’t help it. I just have to do a second post for this week’s “Tickle Me Tuesday.” This little limerick story just came to me, and I do hate to keep it to myself. (If you want to participate in “Tickle Me Tuesday,” just follow the link for instructions.)

`

WOMAN FREAKED OUT - EGGSEgg-Head

I just can’t get over her hair.
Such a fright everyone has to stare.
She discovered online
That two raw eggs and wine
Would give luster beyond all compare.

So she mixed up the potion exact,
With a pinch of vanilla extract,
Now she smells nice and sweet,
But the eggs, they got beat
When her hair dryer got in the act.

So she’s walking around everywhere
With scrambled eggs now in her hair.
A good lesson she’s learned:
That a girl could get burned.
So with online advice, just BEWARE!

~~~

Writing 201: Poetry – Day 2 — ‘Escape’

This is day 2 of the ‘Writing 201:Poetry’ course. Our prompt today is the word “journey.” Our form is the limerick. And our suggested poetic devise is alliteration. I used three limericks to tell the story of a journey, and I did manage to throw in a bit of alliteration for good measure. Hope you get a kick out of this one.

TRAIN FROM BACK - OLD GOLDESCAPE

Well, my journey by train has begun.
As for tickets, I don’t have a one.
With police pressing in,
And this shackle ’round my shin,
All I packed was my trusty old gun.

In the baggage compartment I’ll hide,
And my time I will patiently bide.
When we make the next stop,
From this train I will hop
To the next and continue my ride.

It’s a journey to freedom I take.
And I can’t stop; there’s too much at stake.
Since I’m guilty as sin,
In a court, I can’t win,
But I’ve vowed future crime to forsake.

~~~

Tickle Me Tuesday – Week 3 — ‘The Way to a Woman’s Heart’

Okay, it’s Tuesday again, folks, and time for “Tickle Me Tuesday.” If you want to play along, just post a funny, light-hearted, or downright hilarious story, poem, picture, joke, or non-fiction piece on your own blog. Hop over here and paste the link to your own post in the “Comments” section on this post (any time this week). Then we’ll come over and enjoy yours as well. Remember my site is for general audiences, but that’s the only rule you have to follow.

Here’s my cute (I hope) little story told in a series of limericks.

THE WAY TO A WOMAN’S HEART

BAKER WITH ICINGNow, Henry the baker was shy.
But he wanted to marry Miss Fry.
So with icing he wrote
On her cake this brave note:
“If you’ll have me, then I am your guy.”

But Miss Fry was too shy to say “yes.”
So that still left poor Henry a mess.
But he baked some eclairs
To show how much he cared
And delivered them to her address.

Now this courting went on for a year.
And each day Henry thought her more dear.
Though she gained fifty pounds,
In the end she came ’round,
And their wedding day, at last, is here.
WEDDING CAKE

~~~

Limerick Writing Challenge – 10/26/14

PLMBER2 - dumb plumber
Since I’m teaching a Writing Poetry class this term, I have, naturally, been thinking about how many different kinds of poems there are. And today I got to thinking about limericks. We all know pretty much what a limerick is: A poem generally written in fun, which has 5 lines of anapestic meter (da-da-dum  da-da- dum  da-da-dum) and with a rhyme scheme of AABBA.  The first, second, and last lines generally have 3 feet of anapestic meter, and the third and fourth generally have two feet.

In the early beginnings of limericks, according to history, most of the themes were fairly absurd and often bawdy or naughty. However, most of us are familiar with lots of limericks that are just good, clean fun.

So, bearing in mind that this site is a G-rated site, I’d like to invite everyone out there to write a limerick — or 2 or 3 — and share them with us. They can be on any subject.

Please post your limericks on your own blog and hop back over here to post the link to them in the ‘Comments’ section below. That way everyone else can find them as well.  We’ll keep this challenge open until midnight next Sunday, November 2, 2014 (central standard time, USA).

I generally comment on your own site after reading your submissions, rather than replying to your comments on my page.

Below is one of my own limericks to get us started:

PLUMB REJECTED  

There once was a girl, name of Summer
Who fell madly in love with her plumber
And each day down her drains
Shoved ridiculous things,
But he never caught on. What a bummer.

~

~